THE JUDGE

how do you judge a relationship that you were not in? you cant, its like trying to tell someone how truly beautiful the niagra falls is without having ever been there. yet why is it that everywhere i go, i hear people judging other people’s relationship. who was wrong, who was right. and its all based on what they know of the relationship. what they have heard, what they saw or what people told them. but if you stop for a second and think about it, how much do you really know about this relationship that you are judging? were you part of this relationship, or just someone who stood at the sideline and watched the people in this relationship?

its funny how whenever it involves matters of the heart or the word “love”, we cant seem to apply the common logic that we use in every other aspect of life. there is no law, there are no rules.

often when a couple break up, the people around them gather to discuss who was at fault. who was the villian and who was the victim. (please do keep in mind that im obviously talking about two perfectly fine human being who has a brain thats filled with functioning braincells, and obviously relationships that dont make it to the headlines of your local newspaper.)

RELATIONSHIP ONE

tom and mary were the perfect couple. they were so loving and their families get along. everyone around them approves of them. it was perfect. and one day, they broke up. because tom found out that mary cheated on him. and everyone starts to talk and discuss. logically, mary cheated so that makes her the villian. and tom, the victim. its a no-brainer.

but thats only the surface of the relationship, the part that all of those who are NOT actually in the relationship sees. what about the parts beneath the surface? dont they count as well? so why was this relationship judged only by the superficial knowledge you have and not what it was really made of?

tom and mary met when they were young, 14? thats young. tom fell in love with 14yrs old mary and forgot that one day, she’ll grow up. and when people grow up, they learn new things, they see a bigger world, they want to do greater things and experience what they have never experienced before. will tom love her even when she starts to grow up? no. he wants her to remain as the girl he fell in love with. a young innocent teenager who knew nothing much but school, him and family. and because she loved him, she tries. and everybody knows, that there will be a day when you’ll just be so tired of pretending to be someone that you’re not just so that the person you love wont be hurt. there will be times when you would just want to be yourself. and so does mary.

if you had to judge this relationship now, what would it be? was she the villian and him the victim? or the other way around. hard to decided isnt it? because now that you look deeper into their relationship, you realized you cant find the point where either of them decided to hurt this relationship knowingly. all you can find, is how both of them loved this relationship in their own ways. but you cant stop a person from growing up or force someone to love a person who’s different from the one they fell in love with. is there really right and wrong in relationships? yes and no. does that answer your question? *wink.

yours truly,

calista faye